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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

An embarrassing experience

 We must once have an impressive experience which is embarrasing and unforgettable. This morning , I got up late and failed to cought the bus. As a result , I rode my bike to school. On the way to school, an accident  car happened and I got hurt. Luckily, a woman who passed by gave me a hand and took me to school. However, I felt a little dizzy and had a sour throat, I guessed that I must cought a cold. I took a rest for a few hours during the class. But, everything worsened, I began to cough loudly and badly. Everyone in the class looked at me in a disgusted way. It was really not my day;everything seemed to be wrong. In sum, it was such an embarrasing experience for me that I could not forget in my life.

9 comments:

  1. 空兩格!!
    This morning , I got up late and failed to cought the bus.

    to後是catch唷

    an accident car happened 寫反了a car accident happened

    I guessed that I must cought a cold.

    cought改成catch

    But, everything worsened, I began to cough loudly and badly.

    改成But everything went from bad to worse because I began to cough loudly and badly.

    ReplyDelete
  2. 退兩格唷

    我覺得第一句到第二句之間可以再插一句說:我也不例外之類的,不然好跳tone欸@ˇ@!

    cought 應為原形唷~

    an accident car 也太好笑XD!!!




    我覺得押這篇文章有點怪@@!!?
    痾 說不上來哪怪-ˋˋ-!! 又受傷再來出意外完感冒...?!!
    痾 而且你咳嗽大家會關心你吧@@@ 

    原來不是我的問題 大家都覺得怪怪欸 XD!
    我為了要說出哪裡怪想好久欸= 口=!!
    九登SAY:你乾脆重寫一偏唷XDD

    ReplyDelete
  3. 文章開頭沒有空格
    然後
    你可以假設說 每個人有趣旅行的話 都會有以下那些情況發生
    因為不是每個人都有去旅行過

    第二行的failed to 後面要加原型動詞

    是car accident...XD

    第四行的內容不合邏輯啊
    因為你已經GOT HURT
    為什麼那個好心的女人卻是載你去學校而不是載你去就醫?

    同樣也是第四行
    However是用來表示與上面那一句相反的情況
    這裡比較不適合這樣用喔
    可以改成before long(不久後)

    為什麼被車撞到會喉嚨痛xD

    ReplyDelete
  4. 開頭的部分我局的有點太短了,可以更加說明一下整個文章的走向,不然感覺會有點沒有讓人進入狀況

    an accident car happened 這句話打相反了,應該是a
    car accident.

    However, I felt a little dizzy and had a sour throat, I guessed that I must cought a cold.車禍過後為什麼突然接突然感冒了,感覺很奇怪,有點突兀的感覺,我覺得可以接一點比較合理的後續發展

    disgusted用在這邊感覺很奇怪,他的意思應該是令人作嘔的; 十分討厭的, 可憎的,放在這邊好像太過強烈的語氣而且也怪怪的,可以放像是odd之類用來表示"怪怪的"的形容詞

    everything seemed to be wrong.好像有點奇怪,可以加上out of my expectation 強調事情趨向一股無法被理解的狀態

    結尾可以加上更多自己的感想,如果一天是如此的不順,應該是有更多的想法之類的吧

    ReplyDelete
  5. I got up late and failed to cought the bus.
    →failed to catch
    to後面要原型喔~

    On the way to school, an accident car happened and I got hurt.
    →a car accident happened
    應該是這樣吧~

    However, I felt a little dizzy and had a sour throat, I guessed that I must cought a cold.
    →那之前的car accident的傷害呢??又怎麼會感冒了??
    After I rode the bike in the cold weather, I felt a little dizzy and had a sour throat, I guessed that I must cought a cold.
    可以這樣接喔~

    中間可以再多一點描述喔,可以再寫詳細一點~

    ReplyDelete
  6. We must once have an impressive experience which is embarrasing and unforgettable.
    embarrassing才對喔!!!
    感動又困窘和不舒服~
    有點怪怪的...
    We must once have a bad experience

    有點不何常理~
    可改成呼吸困難...
    後來發現傷到...某器官!!!
    然後同學都很關心你~

    ReplyDelete
  7. 第三行 an accident car 應該是 a car accident

    然後文章前面不是說出車禍嗎? 怎麼後面就說得到感冒...感覺有點亂
    從內容來看 找不到哪件事讓人覺得embarrasing 幾乎都是在講覺得"不好"的經驗 文章已經離題了 要注意喔~

    And Vera said: 你的文章好奇怪~ 可是說不出哪裡怪

    ReplyDelete
  8. sour throat->sore throat是說車禍完為神麼為喉嚨痛?
    a few hours during the class這句..
    因為一節只有50分鐘..改成during the school可能比較好
    然後因為我要說的被某泡菜說走了..
    所以就挑她沒講到的出來:">

    ReplyDelete
  9. 第一行embarrasing and unforgettable
    embarrasing→embarrassing

    第一行和第二行中間可以插入
    I am no exception 或是take me for example

    第二行to cought the bus→ catch
    rode my bike to school後面可以加上in a hurry加強睡過頭的緊張感

    第四行a woman who passed by gave me a hand
    →a woman who passed by there at that time and gave me a hand 但是你受傷了 他應該是送你去醫院吧?

    從第四行後面文意不連貫因為車禍應該不會造成感冒吧這樣好像變成另外一個故事了
    明顯的文不對題甚至是離題了要更小心點

    ReplyDelete