“God helps those who help themselves” Tom has practiced hard since one year ago when he failed to take first prize in running competition on school festival. From that day on, he made up his mind to win first prize in the same competition next year. Since then, he has stayed at school all day long and practiced a lot for almost three months. Furthermore, he kept improving running skills and practicing a lot . It was the very day that the running competition began. Hearing a lot of cheers from his friends as well as his classmates, Tom ran as fast as he could. Eventually, he succeeded and won first prize. With that being said, he got hurt after an intensely running in the process. Fortunately, he took a rest for a long period of time, and he could walk as normally as usual. As a proverb goes, “No pains, no gains.” Before we succeed, we should practice as hard as we could.Most importantly , Tom’s efforts eventually paid off.
要退兩格唷!
ReplyDeletesince one year ago when he failed to take first prize in running competition on school festival.
我覺得這樣:since he failed to take first prize in a(可數吧) running competition on school festival.
school festival是運動會的意思嗎? 那我覺得sports meet 或 athletic meeting 比較屌-ˇ-
From that day on 和 Since then 好像差不多意思
我建議改成:Since then, he has made up his mind to win first prize in the same competition next year and has stayed at school all day long to practice a lot. This behavior has lasted for almost three months.
(我覺得把win first prize in the same competition next year這句改成雪恥: to wipe away the former humiliation很讚-ˋˋ-)
Furthermore, he kept improving running skills and practicing a lot.我覺得這句是多餘的＠＠?!!
With that being said有這種用法嗎＠＠?
可以換成It was said that he had got hurt after running intensely in the process. 吧
Fortunately, he took a rest for a long period of time, and he could walk as normally as usual.
怪怪＠＠ 我:Fortunately, after he took a rest for a long period of time, he could walk as normally as usual.
No pains, no gains 沒有s吧
Most importantly前面沒空一格
“God helps those who help themselves”這句的句點消失了!!!
ReplyDelete整篇文章在敘述之前的準備之類的是用過去式然後用了現在完成式,但是在敘述他真正開始比賽的時候也用了過去式,感覺時態很混亂
第二行on school festival的on不知道是不是用at
ReplyDelete大概就上面說的那些~
ReplyDelete最後一句
ReplyDelete.Most importantly , Tom’s efforts eventually paid off.
句點之後要有空格~
running competition改成race competition會不會比較好?
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, he kept improving running skills and practicing a lot .->he kept up developing running skills and work as frequent as he could.我覺得practice已經有出現過一次第二次可以換另外一個新動詞
he succeeded and won first prize->前面已經出現過一次可以改成won the championship.
第一行要先有 with the proverb goes 再用引言會更好喔:)
ReplyDelete第三行你可以在competition後面加上to wipe away the former humiliation (雪恥)
這樣會使句子更漂亮喔:)
這是要照圖說故事的樣子!!!
ReplyDelete第二、三張圖沒說到喔~~
諺語的使用很不錯喔!!