Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Describing a person
I am searching for one of my best friends, Will, who got lost while taking a trip to the Arch of Triumph for a summer vacation with our family last week. It was the day on Sunday, March 14 that he failed to get on our tour bus; unfortunately, he also left his travel guide on the tour bus. To our sorrow, we had not been able to contact him for almost a week since he got lost; therefore, we need your help. There are some brief descriptions according to his appearance. He is average height, athletic, and sixteen-year-old or so. Besides, he has a big head with a blond, curly hair, wearing a polo shirt as well as jeans. He always wears a smile on his face with two deep dimples and he also has a mole in the middle of his forehead. Furthermore, he used to walk considerably quickly and hurriedly just likes a bee and always looks nervous when talking to others. We are worry badly about him and hope that he would be safe and sound. If you see him, please call the number 0911-187-187; we are looking forward to your reply.
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第一行有點奇怪
ReplyDelete你可以直接
~, Will, ~
這樣子@@
第五航的connect是連結的意思 像是連線這類
所以應該是用contact (vt) 喔~
同一行的 since he lost 裡面應該還要再加一個got
然後尋人啟示應該是大家一起幫忙~不單純只是政府的協助啦 (個人意見xD)
倒數第五行的dyed不能這樣用
你可以打說
he has a big head with a blond, curly hair.
同樣也是第五行
torousers不是褲管嗎xD?
倒數第四行最後有點奇怪
這樣看起來像 他喜歡用兩個酒窩笑
你可以用He always wears a smile on his face with two dimples....
倒數第二行always look 就好 不用to喔
同樣也是倒數第二行是when talking wo others
因為你省略主辭所以要用分詞型式
倒數最後一行應該是would不是could
加油:>
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete大大大聲公
ReplyDelete同學們請注意 :
分段是電腦自己分的喔 !!
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ReplyDelete我覺得你可以分段~比較方便看
ReplyDelete然後我覺得大頭很好笑:))
其他除了上面說的沒看到其他的錯誤~
with our family 如果是兩個家庭的話是families
ReplyDeleteBesides, he has a big head with a blond, curly hair, wearing a polo shirt as well as jeans.
這句好好笑,他是大頭耶~呵呵~
To our sorrow, we had not been able to contact him for almost a week since he got lost; therefore, we need your help.
第依句開頭的找人是現在式,代表到現在都還沒找到
所以had not been able to應該改成現在完成式
Furthermore, he used to walk considerably quickly and hurriedly ~~
used to是以前習慣喔
We are worry badly about him
worry是動詞唷 改worried
還不錯唷~
空兩格ˊˊ
ReplyDeletewith our family →你沒在trip裡面嗎@@
有的話:應為with us
for a summer vacation →可以說出是哪個暑假押ex:this / last summer vacation 比較好吧@ˇ@
unfortunately, he also left his travel guide on the tour bus.
他不是沒上車怎麼把本子留在車上押XD!!
→He failed to get on our tour bus; unfortunately, his travel guide was in my backpack.這樣勒XDD
另外,我覺得不用列出明確日期,有點冗贅.ˇ.
倒數三→be "worried" about !
這次只有一個校點有進步唷XDD
contact him for almost
ReplyDelete//contact with him比較好:D
has a big head with a blond, curly hair
//has short, curly, blond hair
雖然他是男的但是寫上長度會比較好
她的額頭有一顆痣是觀音痣嗎:))
he used to walk considerably quickly and hurriedly just likes a bee
//是be used to, 我覺得considerably可以省略, 還有為甚麼像蜜蜂啊???
and always looks nervous when talking to others.
可以另外獨立了,同一個句子兩個and看起來較冗長
大致上不錯唷!!
但是我有一個疑問
為甚麼他沒跟上車卻把導覽留在車上
如果是這樣句子應該用what's worse 連接會比較好吧
還有最後也禮貌性附上答謝吧:>
I am searching for one of my best friends, Will, who got lost while taking a trip to the Arch of Triumph for a summer vacation with our family last week 這句好像有點長耶~
ReplyDelete倒數第三行的 just likes 多了一個s
這次的文章比之前的好耶...
沒有那種"想到什麼就寫什麼"的感覺了
I am searching for one of my best friends, Will, who got lost while taking a trip to the Arch of Triumph for a summer vacation with our family last week=>我覺得這個部分有點太長了~for後面的我覺得可以不用寫耶~
ReplyDeleteIt was the day on Sunday, March 14=>日期的部分我覺得可以省略喔~
he failed to get on our tour bus; unfortunately, he also left his travel guide on the tour bus=>unfortunately放在這邊怪怪的~應為前面的failed to已經有否定的意思了~我覺得可以直接加he also left his travel guide ~
這次的文章感覺比較有頭緒喔~=ˇ=
mole和walk considerably quickly and hurriedly just likes a bee 用的很好=)
ReplyDelete文章要求的內容也都有寫出來!!!
很不錯喔~~~
如果說聯絡不到他,可以加上他連手機都忘在車上之類的...
也可以加上他個性害羞不敢和陌生人說話之類的...
多家上一點可憐的成分...
故事會更精采喔!!!