Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Expressing an opinion why I agree with wearing uniforms to school.
As a student, I am on the same page as those who are in favor of wearing the uniforms to school. Although, many students insist that wearing uniforms is not necessary, I strongly believe that wearing uniforms will have us look tidy and neat for its coherence. Some students may argue that it is troublesome to wear uniforms to school every day; whereas, as far as I am concerned, I regard uniforms as a symbol of our school. In addition, no one can argue against the fact that if we wear uniforms to school we don’t have to worry about what we should wear tomorrow. Because of there facts, it is self-evident that wearing uniforms to school is our best choice.
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標題跟第二句都錯了喔 是for school
ReplyDeleteAlthough是介係詞不能當做副詞開頭
insist 後面省略should 要用現在式喔
have us look tidy and neat
>> make us look tidy and neat
第二句 Although,(不用逗號吧) many students insist(insist 的用法注意一下唷＠＠) that wearing uniforms is not necessary, I strongly believe that wearing uniforms will have(make比較好吧?) us look tidy and neat for its(our?) coherence.
ReplyDeleteBecause of there(錯了吧＠ˇ＠these？！) facts, it is self-evident that wearing uniforms to school is our best choice(the best choice for us ．ˇ．？).
整篇文章不夠有力，給我弱弱的感覺ｘＤ 你可以去看看１６和１３的唷，我覺得她們舉的都很好很棒！～ˇ～
是說標題是to才對吧~所以xuan應該說錯了唷~
ReplyDeleteAlthough, 這句我建議不要加逗點
will have us look tidy and neat
我覺得阿~用make比較順:d
Because of there facts--->these?
倒數第三行 if we wear uniforms to school we don’t have to worry about what we should wear tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteschool後面加逗點把句子分開比較好
倒數第二行的 Because of there facts...?????????
是these吧XDDD
其他部分都還ok
Although, many students
ReplyDelete後面不用逗點喔~
will have us look tidy
這裡用make會不會比較好呢?
can argue against the
兩個用與重複了~~
可省其一=)
Although, many students ~
ReplyDelete-->Although many students ~
I strongly believe that wearing uniforms will have us look tidy and neat
-->用make比較好唷I strongly believe that wearing uniforms will make us look tidy and neat
if we wear uniforms to school we don’t have to worry about what we should wear tomorrow.
--> 逗號唷~if we wear uniforms to school, we don’t have to worry about what we should wear tomorrow.
Because of there facts
-->Because of the facts
Although, many students insist that wearing uniforms is not necessary, I strongly believe that wearing uniforms will have us look tidy and neat for its coherence. (although後面不用加逗號喔~)
ReplyDeleteI strongly believe that wearing uniforms will have us look tidy and neat (have用make會比較好喔=))
我覺得文章的論點不夠強烈~
沒有辦法完全信服讀者~
可試著再加上一些更specific的論點喔XD
Because of there facts // Because of those facts
ReplyDelete可以多加敘述增加每一項的強度